Dreams That Pale in Comparison

Recently, I stumbled upon a song. After the initial stumble, called Youtube, I bought the song and proceeded to camp out for awhile. A long while.

The more I listened, the more I got lost in the words, and in the voice of the girl whose heart was breaking over each one.The song is called Have Your Way by Britt Nicole. It's about surrender. It's about the bottom line. It's about the final answer to the question, “Will you push Me away?”  I listened to it over and over again, each time feeling my own heart turn towards the Father, broken and healed all at once.

Even if my dreams have died

And even if I don't survive

I'll still worship you with all my life

And I'll stop searching for the answers

I'll stop praying for an escape

And I'll trust you God with where I am

And believe that you will have your way

Just have your way

Just have you way

For my whole life, I have wanted so badly to be able to trust God, in love and without fear.  And for my whole life, I have struggled to see Him as the loving and gracious Father that He is.  In His graciousness, He has used deferred hope and tender provision to reveal His heart to me.    

I will never trust God perfectly, until this dim glass is gone and I see Him face to face. But what I can say now that I couldn't say before...ten years ago, five years ago, even one year ago...is that my eyes are turned to Him in hope and loss, love and trust, all mixed together, and they will stay there.

It's like coming to the end of a long journey, weary and spent. Broken. But grateful, so grateful to have made it at long last to the place that makes my dreams pale in comparison.

So what I'm realizing is that His dreams for me are bigger and better than my dreams for me.  I can't believe I'm even saying that, but I am and I mean it.