Jar of Optimism

I have a jar of optimism on the table beside my bed.  What's a jar of optimism, you ask?  Well, a jar of optimism is a place to put thoughts that run contrary to one's natural thinking processes, especially if one is not naturally an optimist. I write my optimistic thoughts on little pieces of scrapbook paper, date them and stick 'em in the jar for all the world to see.  Or just for me.  They're my proof to myself that I do, in fact, trust God.  You do trust God, Shawna.  See, the proof's in the paper.  If you dug through my scraps, you'd find very determined statements like, "God will take care of me" and "He is working out everything in my life for good."

Some people are better at trusting God than others. But just because you're not good at something doesn't mean you'll never be good at it, right?  If I build my relationship with Him, trust will develop.  It's the natural progression of life with God.  Every time I open up part of myself to Him, hope or fear or love, and He comes through for me, which He always, always does in one way or another, trust grows.  I'm finding that I don't need to work so hard at it these days.       

I started filling up my jar in January of this year, right after I quit my desk job and stepped out on the ledge that's currently beneath me.  And I'm happy to report that at this very moment, my jar of optimism is almost half full. 

Love Knows Best

I want to walk alongside people and tell them how I have seen God come through for me.  He has.  He has blessed me in ways I never would have imagined.  Ways that fall into the category that Paul talks about in Ephesians...exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or think.  I am grateful.  Really, I am so grateful.

But how can I walk alongside people and tell them how I've seen God come through for me when there is a big gaping hole in the middle of me the size of my biggest dream and desire left unfulfilled?  What do I have to offer those people?  What story can I tell them?  What if they see through me and discover that hope and I have an on again/off again relationship?

I have wrestled with these questions lately.   And I think I have the answer.  God is God if all my dreams come true.  God is God if none of them do. He stands apart from me, holy and good and fully Himself.  And this is what I will tell them.  This is what I will tell you. He climbs into the big gaping hole and He fills it with Himself.  All at once, He leaves it empty and He fills it with Himself and I get to tell the story of how His grace is sufficient for me.

This is not the story I asked for, but it the story I get to tell.  This is how I've seen God come through for me.  He offers Himself in the place of the deferred hope.  Love knows best.