Maybe there will come a time when all the jumbled, awkward pieces will fall into perfect place. Questions will be answered or forgotten in a Better Knowing. Peace will fill the corners of our minds. Hearts will be settled, deeply. I have a feeling that I'm not the only one to long for this.
My heart is not settled. Not yet. Most of the time, especially lately, there is mostly striving and frustration there. Restlessness. Big restlessness. Someone shared an idea with me recently. My loose restating of it is this: it is when we fumble our unanswered questions and jumbled pieces in hands that can't seem to grip that we are most Vulnerable to the Lover of our souls. Isn't that what we really need the most? To be vulnerable to Him? We want a formula to follow and success to boast. He wants us stripped of the sufficiencies we carry, dependant on Him and the way that He loves us. We want to offer Him polished plans and capable hands. He just wants us, weary and spent if necessary, in need of Him and only Him.
I have never been as restless with life as I am now. I have also never been more aware of my need of Him. Maybe I'm not in such a bad place after all.
This is really good, we get so worried about having everything together that we forget how precious it is to have to rely on God for everything, or how you're like zillion times more effective when you're at a place where you have no other choice than to trust God
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